#04 Different people within us
"Da Bhanu, do you know our bank manager Mr Sankaran? He said he is your distant cousin and lives in the village next to your home." Manu, one of the first people from our college gang who got a job, said while describing his new "work" world.
"Yeah, I know him. I don't remember talking to him much" For me, he was just another relative that I will try to avoid meeting. But for Manu, he was a role model. Manu was thoroughly impressed by his managerial skills and how he cares about his team.
"You might not value him as a relative, but for us, he is the best manager one could get" Manu expressed his dissatisfaction with my lack of interest in the relative. But that conversation stuck with me. People live many lives. In some of them, they are just ordinary people, and in others, they are the heroes or villains.
"People contains multitudes" This has become a cliché usage, especially for the people who listen to the podcasts like seen and the unseen. However, my thought is slightly different from saying should not be judged from one angle, and they may be valuable in other situations. My question is that, how do we discover different people within us and why it is important to have them?
Many movies have shown a depiction of a character who has many shades. The memorable one is Kutty Srank, a Malayalam movie by Shaji N Karun, which won many national awards. To show the different shades of the character Srank, a boat driver from Kerala, lands at various landscapes at different seasons. His experiences feel like a journey to multiple selves within him and finding love, peace etc. Every group we interact, are like these landscapes or seasons. Each group or environments define a version of you that is distinct from one another.
Chatter and Psychological distancing
I am currently reading a book titled " Chatter: The Voice in Our Head and How to Harness It?" by Ethan Kross. I can give a book summary if you folks are interested. But the main message in the book is how we occupy ourselves by constantly talking in our head. This constant talking, the chatter, can push you to the verge of a nervous breakdown or depression.
Chatter happened to me many times where I get stuck with a problem and was never able to escape. One of the main reasons, Ethan Kross argues, is the inability to see a broader perspective. The solution to getting out of this loop is psychological distancing. Getting a zoomed-out view of the problem is the key. That is why you can advise a friend who is going through a mental trauma better than handling it when it happens to you. This is not hypocrisy. We cannot simply detach ourselves from the problems and come to a rational solution. For a friend, you can do it as you are psychologically distant from the problem.
In the book, the author narrates different methods of achieving psychological distancing ourselves. These methods include journaling, talking to ourselves in a second or third person etc. I think that the activation of multiple personalities within us can be of great help.
Finding our different selves
We are shaped by our surroundings. Our behaviour at the office and home are different as those surrounding shapes our personalities. That is why exposing yourselves to exclusive groups can help. One benefit of such exclusive groups is that your other personalities do not decide their approach towards you, which in turn shapes your new self. You can redefine yourselves in such new groups. Find a literature group or a movie club or a writing group.
Why do I think this can help to get a psychological distancing? One reason is that you will not be defined by one identity. You are not just a wife, or an employee or a movies enthusiast or a person with a certain political or religious ideology. So when you face a problem at work, you can distance yourself from it since work is not the only thing that defines you.
This exploration of self, I find, is a way to find your creativity and potential also. Your long-standing interaction with your surroundings may limit you from many creative pursuits. So don't get trapped by the idea of your current self, and find exclusive herds to discover your new selves.